Those of you not familiar with reddit.com … maybe you’ll be happier if you stay not familiar with it. If you are religious (and do not like being demeaned, belittled, mocked, or screamed at), politically conservative, sensitive to profanity, or not that into tech, it can be unpleasant to read. However, there are also a lot of intelligent, witty folks on reddit, and occasionally one of them spawns something incredible. I consider NOW to be one of those moments. Yesterday someone posted the following challenge:
Seemingly obviously (in hindsight), someone posted “No Pecan’t” as an option. However, that was not the end of the hilarity, by a long shot.
The comment thread for this item is, in my opinion, epic. Yes, I said EPIC. And I’m sure it’s still growing. After the cut, find the highlights, as of this morning. Warning: I’ve included the sweary ones, with the letters tastefully deleted. But children should probably not read this post in its entirety (unless they’re foul-mouthed little b******s). Disclaimer: I don’t necessarily agree with what you’re about to read, but I think you’ll admit the level of humor is as high as in any of David Letterman’s Top Ten lists :D
Chocolate
- Cluster Fudge
- Iraqi Road (also: Iraqi Roadside Bomb)
- Chock ‘n’ Awe
- Royal Fudgeup
- Fudge Full of Fail
- Double Chocolate Pretzel Choke
- World War Triple Fudge
- Chocolate Clusterf*** S***storm
- Death by Chocolate and Torture
Cookies
- Crookies and Scream
- Chockupation with Cookiedumbs
- Cookie D’oh!
Nutty
- It’s Nut Torte-ure
- Peanut Cluster Bomb
- Nut’n Accomplished
- Reese’s Cession
Bananas & Monkeys
- Chimperial Banana
- Curious George Split
- Chocolate Chimp
- Flunky Monkey
- Banana Republic
- Osama Split
- Chimp-Peach
- Chunky Monkey in Chief
Fruity
- De-Cider Crunch
- Strawboarded Berries
- Guantanamo Orange Whip
- Grape Depression
- Lime with Stupid
- Lemon
Minty
- Mint Chip Accomplished
- ImpeachMint
- Mintunderestimation
Cheesecake
- Bumpkin Cheesecake
- Blackwater Cheesecake
Bush’s Helpers
- Rumsfeld Razin’
- Rocky Rove
- Banana Rumsfeld
- Rice Pudding
- Diebold Delight
Miscellaneous
- Impeach Cobbler
- Caramel Preemptive Stripe
- Hamfist
- Lame Duck de Leche
- Subliminabubblegum
- Nero’s Fiddle Faddle
- Guantanmallow
- Anchovy F***up Surprise
- Yellow Cake Bombe
- Pralines and Dick (I assume he means Cheney)
- Neocon Politan
- Weapons of Mass Delicious (or, WMDelicious. User comment: “some girl’s birthday would be ruined when she opened it and found the carton to be empty”)
- Freedom Vanilla
- Housing Crunch
- Can’t Fool Me Twice Cream
- WireTapioca
Nonadherence to Ben & Jerry’s Naming Conventions
- The torturously delicious Guantana Mo’ Chocolate
- Frozen Dog S***
- Good Riddance You Lousy Motherf****** … Swirl
- I broke the law and am responsible for the deaths of thousands… with nuts
- Half a tub of chocolate, with the title “Mission Accomplished”
- Constitution Crumble served to you tied to a board, upside down and blindfolded
- I can’t think of a treat that rhymes with ‘village idiot’
- I don’t know what it will be called but I bet it’s expensive and has nothing in the container
- I’m not sure, I just know it’ll look different from “Yes Pecan” but still taste the same
(reply)– it’ll taste slightly different, but both are chock full of Military-Industrial Complex Corporatist Crunch
(reply)—– One’s chock full of nuts and the other’s smooth
1 comment so far ↓
Speaking of George W. Bush:
George W. Bush committed hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism (indicated in my blog).
George W. Bush did in fact commit innumerable hate crimes.
And I do solemnly swear by Almighty God that George W. Bush committed other hate crimes of epic proportions and with the stench of terrorism which I am not at liberty to mention.
Many people know what Bush did.
And many people will know what Bush did—even to the end of the world.
Bush was absolute evil.
Bush is now like a fugitive from justice.
Bush is a psychological prisoner.
Bush has a lot to worry about.
Bush can technically be prosecuted for hate crimes at any time.
In any case, Bush will go down in history in infamy.
Submitted by Andrew Yu-Jen Wang
B.S., Summa Cum Laude, 1996
Messiah College, Grantham, PA
Lower Merion High School, Ardmore, PA, 1993
“GEORGE W. BUSH IS THE WORST PRESIDENT IN U.S. HISTORY” BLOG OF ANDREW YU-JEN WANG
______________________
I am not sure where I had read it before, but anyway, it is a linguistically excellent statement, and it goes kind of like this: “If only it were possible to ban invention that bottled up memory so it never got stale and faded.” Oh wait—off the top of my head—I think the quotation came from my Lower Merion High School yearbook.
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