If you do nothing else today (and I really hope that’s not true), you should check out a weird, hilarious form of emergent internet art. Or vandalism. Or something. It’s awesome. Where? Reviews for certain Amazon products, like this Bic ballpoint pen and This gallon of milk.
Excerpts from particularly fun pen reviews:
1 – As far as writing goes, this pen is serviceable… As a weapon, however, it is seriously lacking. When confronted with a sword, the sword was, once again, the clear winner… the Proverb Evaluation Committee will have no other choice than to look elsewhere for its pens.
2 – …But, when that quality carbide ball touched the surface of the paper, it was not ink that came out. From a distance I heard the screams of men and the cackling of innumerable ravens. I stopped, cold and sweating profusely. I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil’s own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.
And the milk:
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately dairy-house decree: [etc. ]
Or:
…He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz…
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