Dorothy Parker was Awesome. From a safe distance.

1 – Cover the children’s eyes.
2 – Read.
3 – Feel the joy.
4 – My source: Wikiquote.org (although I’ve been a D.P. fan for a while)

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
~ reviewing Atlas Shrugged

It is that word ‘hummy,’ my darlings, that marks the first place in The House at Pooh Corner at which Tonstant Weader fwowed up.
~ reviewing A. A. Milne’s book in her “Constant Reader” column in The New Yorker

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.
~ from Dorothy Parker: What Fresh Hell is This? (1988) by Marion Meade

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.
~ As quoted in Turning Numbers into Knowledge (2001) by Johnathan G. Koomey

She delivered a striking performance that ran the gamut of emotions, from A to B.
~ Review of Katharine Hepburn on Broadway (unverified)

This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.
~ (unverified)

The two most beautiful words in the English language are “cheque enclosed.�
~ As quoted in The Late Mrs. Dorothy Parker (1986) by Leslie Frewin

There’s a hell of a difference between wisecracking and wit. Wit has truth in it; wisecracking is just calisthenics with words.
~ (unverified)

If you want to know what the Lord God thinks of money, just look at those to whom he gives it.
~ (unverified)

If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised.
~ (unverified)

She must have done it sliding down a barrister.
~ On hearing an actress had broken her leg (unverified)

That woman speaks 18 languages and can’t say ‘no’ in any of them.
~ (unverified)

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.
~ Her answer when asked to use the word “horticulture” in a sentence during a parlor game (unverified)

I’ve been too f***ing busy – or vice versa.
~ On her honeymoon, in response to a telegram from her editor asking about work (unverified)

What fresh hell is this?
~ Reportedly her standard comment when the telephone rang (unverified)