The Constant K Glossary - Helpful Notes for Theater-goers

Picture: Jeff Santa Barbara, Constant K Director, looks pleased, despite his dark and gloomy surroundings.

The Constant K Determines the Ultimate Fate of the Universe opened last night. It was rough in some places, but overall a success. It will just get better across performances, too :) I discovered that I am no longer the boy who could not get enough stage time, back in my early 20s: I was nothing but relieved when my 5 minutes of fame was over.

In other news, it occurred to me that we need a glossary for the show (no, I’m serious), so here it is.

Altruism

Performing a helpful act without any selfish motivations; helping purely to help the individual in need, or for helping’s sake alone.

Comet

(See Meteor/Meteorite, Tumbleweed)

Dawkins, Richard

Popular ethologist and evolutionary biologist, originally prominent for his book The Selfish Gene, a seminal text for sociobiology, and for developing and popularizing the theory memes. Although he was originally known for his scientific contributions, he is lately more famous for using his considerable intelligence and education to browbeat and humiliate less-educated religious people in public forums.

Friedmann Equations

Two equations developed in the early 20th century that, among other things, describe the potential expansion or contraction of the universe. One currently-unknown value in these equations, k, is a value describing space-time curvature. It is key in allowing scientists to predict whether the universe will expand forever, or eventually stop expanding due to its own gravity, and then contract until it compresses into something like another Big Bang. If it were capable of speech, it is almost certain that k would have a sultry voice.

Energy, Dark

A type of energy thought to permeate the universe. Its existence and properties have been hypothesized, in order to explain why the universe seems to continue to expand at an accelerating rate, despite other theory and measurements suggesting that this should not happen. Dark energy, like dark matter, has not been directly observed, but has only been inferred to support previous models of the universe that otherwise could not explain why the universe is expanding the way it (apparently) is. Dark energy is thought to cause “negative pressure” in massive objects, an effect that is the reverse of gravity. That is, it causes things to move away from each other, rather than toward each other, in space. Current estimates suggest that about 3/4 of the energy in the known universe is dark energy. Contemporary astrophysicists do not publicly attribute any supernatural or theological status to dark energy, but there are probably some who are just too shy to speak up.

Gene Pool, The

[insert incestuous redneck and/or goat joke here]

Guru

N/A

Hippie

A bad-a** MoFo who is in touch with his/her emotions.

Homogeneous (also homogenous)

Being uniformly constituted, or consistent in composition. Well-mixed gravy, for example, is homogeneous in its texture, whereas lumpy gravy is not. Sandstone is more homogeneous than granite. Hitler’s ultimate plan was to make Nazi Germany racially/ethnically homogeneous (i.e., White people only). The term “clumpy” is a potential antonym of “homogeneous.”

Isotropic

Uniform in all directions. That is, there is no change in the composition or fundamental properties of a substance or a space, no matter which direction you look. According to the Cosmological Principle, the universe (space) is both homogeneous and isotropic.

Meme

Unit of thought — archetype or behavior pattern or idea — transmitted from generation to generation in the language, culture, and habits of groups of people. The word, coined in the 1970s by Richard Dawkins, was intended to rhyme with gene because the idea is similar: a small piece of information that gets transmitted across generations. Those memes that do not benefit a group’s survival will eventually be lost (just like genes), while those memes that help groups survive will be retained. Examples of memes with survival benefits might include taboos against eating or drinking toxic substances, fears of dangerous animals, group conformity, suspicion of strangers, basic rules of polite behavior, etc. All of these ideas or behaviors probably helped groups of humans survive over the millennia, and so the ideas or behaviors have been “kept in circulation.”

Meteor/Meteorite

(See Tumbleweed, Comet)

Reciprocate

To give and take, in a tit-for-tat manner. Reciprocating a gift means giving a gift in return, etc. Example: if a person grabs you by the throat and says “reciprocate my motion,” you should probably grab them by their throat, as well.

Rubik’s Cube

Tool of oppression, designed by Erno Rubik, a Hungarian architect and intellectual.

Sociobiology

A multidisciplinary field that studies behavior patterns and other aspects of life that are not traditionally considered specifically “biological,” from an evolutionary perspective. Sociobiologists come from a variety of different fields, including biology, sociology, psychology, anthropology, etc. Sociobiologists who study human behavior (vs. animals) are often evolutionary psychologists, seeking explanation for things such as culture, thinking patterns, interpersonal behavior, etc., through evolutionary genetics. One famous evolutionary psychologists/sociobiologist is David Buss, who explains differences in men’s and women’s dating/sex/mating patterns through differences in the X and Y chromosomes, and differences in the reproductive systems of men and women.

Trivers, Robert

An American sociobiologist who has developed sociobiological explanations of various animal and human behaviors, including the adaptive value of self-deception. For example, he theorizes that, in order to achieve certain things (say, reproduction), we must sometimes deceive ourselves (perhaps to believe that we are big and tough enough to compete for the totally hot members of the opposite sex, whom our hearts desire). This self-deception carries risks (of not reproducing, or perhaps even being killed by rivals), but it also carries the possibility of success, in which case our genes — including those that allowed us to deceive ourselves into trying to hook up with the hotties — will continue into future generations, because they have successfully helped us reproduce. The genes of timid folks who take no risks for love (so to speak) will drop out of the gene pool. So, we’re left with a planet populated by a bunch of organisms who do crazy things for the possibility of sex.

Tumbleweed

(See Comet, Meteor/Meteorite)

Ubiquitous

Extremely common, or found everywhere. Dirt, for example, is ubiquitous. Life is also, according to some ex-sociobiologists, “****ing ubiquitous.”

Walrus

Large marine mammal with non-faux-ivory tusks, useful as a risky (i.e., mobile, aggressive) but dramatic object to which one may chain oneself, possibly while eating seaweed, in an attempt to impress potential mating partners and thus ensure one’s genetic representation in future generations.