Today: Cool picturey things. First: CORRELATION TOTALLY DOES IMPLY CAUSATION.

This one is extra awesome for being an example of what it illustrates:

And then:

Tectonic plates show up nicely when you plot thousands of earthquake epicenters on a globe:

This little want ad sets new records for the proportion of what’s-wrong-with-our-world that can be fit into a space the size of a postage stamp:

Finally: a video of a guy with a Samurai sword slicing a BB in flight! Half my 12-year-old dreams come true!¹.

1. seriously, it’s pretty freakin’ cool. But then, maybe that’s my 12-year-old self saying that. [↩]

The business of election politics seems to sweep aside the uncertainty and concern that some of us may feel during the decision process. I feel a sense of dissonance when I see the rah-rah signs and slogans that seem to assume a monolithic, eternally-supportive fan base. It’s even worse after the election, when the candidates begin to allow something other than their one-dimensional elect-me faces to show, and We the People are reminded of what a compromise democracy is.

So, without further ado, here are some campaign stickers, horked and shamelessly vandalized to represent something much closer to my true feelings on the subject of our president-elect:

this is my fave

I realize my font choices were pretty bad here. What am I, a designer?

yes, this one is just silly

(if you really wanna see which websites from which these done been ganked and then abused, you should click through to the flickr pages and read the notes there)

So tomorrow I get up crazy early, drive to Austin (about 5 1/2 hours), take my oral exam to be a licensed psychologist in Texas, drive back home. Long day. Today I’m trying to make up for weeks of procrastination in studying. My friend Philip (who is on the licensing board) says most people pass. Thanks. This will make me feel much better if I’m one of the few, the proud, the morons who manage to fail.

I really have been mostly dedicated in my studying, though I don’t know how effective. But I stop every so often and browse random websites. And here is some internet stuff:

>:\ Yet another move by a police agency away from transparency and accountability.

XD Star torpedoes! Massive, galaxy-sized clusters of stars (whirling, I hope) that rip through space and wreak havoc when they encounter galaxies, etc. So cool! Hubble, you are my homeslice.

:D you know I’m a sucker for a cleverly vandalized sign. Also I like pie.

:/ Five economists who accurately predicted the current crisis (allegedly) have offered their views on the near future. I haven’t read through all the essays, but it seems they do not see a particularly rosy picture.

!!! In the LJ “found objects” community, a Super Lucky User called bo_bailey posted scans of a 1965 book titled (warning: not safe for children.): “The Recently Deflowered Girl.” It is some weird mix between bizarre and hilarious and depressing. It also seems to include some snarky commentary on the sexual culture wars of the 60s, just barely under the surface. Delightful illustrations (these ARE safe for children… more or less), and an approximate PG or PG-13 level of content scariness. A most entertaining read.

Once again, I’m avoiding work. So, I have started to think about New Year’s resolutions. And I avoided doing that by cleaning residual spam out of my email inbox. Then it hit me: Why go to all the trouble to think up resolutions myself, when the spammers have already done just that? If the subject lines of my highly-personalized spam can be believed (and I think they can), spammers have both insight into my personal deficits and some specific advice for improvement.

So, here is my New Year’s resolution list, following (as word-for-word as possible) the suggestions implied by my most recent spam subject lines:

1. I resolve to become the IT consultant of perfect love making art.¹
2. I will make a stronger effort to confirm upon delivery.²
3. I will brand some Swiss watches.³
4. I will attain a huge love luger.⁴
5. I will upsize my manhood today!⁵
6. I resolve to gain inches the easy way.⁶
7. I shall represent female Viagra for most pleasure.⁷
8. When facing a love making problem, I will solve all myt problems in a few minute.⁸
9. I will strive to make the impression of a well off person on everybody.⁹
10. I will please approve or deny.¹⁰
11. I will stop certain bacterial infections forever.¹¹
12. I resolve to choose my own price.¹²
Continue reading →

1. This metaphor isn’t really working for me, but I don’t want to offend any Don Juan IT folks out there, so I’ll go with it. [↩]
2. This is just good sense, really. [↩]
3. ? [↩]
4. Okay… I get that this is some kind of penis reference, but “luger?” Is there some subcategory of fetishists in the world who fantasize about Nazi weaponry as metaphors for body parts? Wait, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know. [↩]
5. Problematic. Sure, it could just be a penis thing, but let’s give the spammers the benefit of the doubt. Am I just not masculine enough? Do I need to spend more time lumberjacking and belching and cat-calling women and herding cattle? Should I take it more literally, like a request that I increase my weight training while packing in the protein powder? [↩]
6. I’m already achieving this goal, thanks to Amanda’s Nanaimo Bars. They have about 10,000 calories each. [↩]
7. This is right out; I already have a career, and I prefer to be paid with some form of government-recognized currency. [↩]
8. This resolution is vague in several ways. Is this a response to a sexual performance issue (and if so, whose?), or is it some sort of problem that actually results in the creation of love? The second option is far more interesting, but could be pretty complicated. In any case, I think it’s a recipe for disaster, in demanding that I solve the problem immediately (and with poor spelling), but with no workable plan of action. [↩]
9. This really doesn’t seem reasonable, and I’d rather understand hyphenation than appear affluent, anyway. [↩]
10. Like #2, quite reasonable, really. [↩]
11. If I can pull it off, I suppose I’ll win a Nobel Prize or something. [↩]
12. A pretty good gig, if I can make it work. [↩]

Pic of the day: Three people and a muppet. for some reason.

I’m supposed to be working. Right this minute. But I’ve just spent an hour reading through the (for me) interesting back columns on Measure for Measure, the NYT’s (thankfully non-subscription) blog about songwriting, by songwriters. Okay, so i went there just for Suzanne Vega’s recent piece, but I ended up reading a whole bunch of stuff. Yay! Songwriting! I should do some more of that, someday… my songs are getting stale, like cookies left in the cupboard too long. And I should write about something other than the ups and downs of dating, since I no longer have any dating ups or downs. I do have a song about a dead possum. And some snarky songs about politics. I could become this generation’s roadkill/protest singer. I shall get right to work on that.

Anyway, as I was saying, I have lots of work to do. None of it (sadly; so sadly) has anything at all to do with writing, singing, or even listening to songs.

Sigh. I think I need some Suzanne Vega, now. Yay, MP3s!

My unplanned extra hours¹ in Houston Hobby weren’t a total loss. I studied for the EPPP, got started on the state jurisprudence exam (which I mailed to Austin this morning, with some trepidation) and I made most of this poster. This is MacDuff. Lay on, man. Click for the monstrous size.

1. which, I just realized, reading through my last post, I exaggerated [↩]