Apparently some armed Canadian forces stormed a Dutch seal-hunt protest vessel and arrested people. The head of the organization behind the ship called this an “Act of War.” Just between you and me, I suspect the Dutch government might not back him up all the way on this.

In other news, I listened to audio study materials for the EPPP exam while I walked to the grocery store today, with my big backpack. Google says it’s 1.6 miles each way. I shopped too much. In the future, I should probably remember that a good rule of thumb seems to be: $1 = 1lb. $50 is too much.

 nom nom nom

So, this is what accomplishment looks like to me. This is External Funding. It is the single most impressive thing on my vita, besides the PhD itself. Maybe more impressive than that, to others.

Last Spring we submitted a proposal for this grant, as part of a 10-university (more or less) consortium. On my part, this involved a few crazy days and nights writing and rewriting a proposal, meeting and re-meeting with the two members of my research team (an ethnographer too busy to be in charge of our 3 projects and criminal justice professor too smart), and smashing our 3 barely-related proposals into an unnatural research beast condemned to walk the earth… whatever. Then we had to do a budget, which involved me wildly guessing at what it would cost to do a 6-year research project. I’m sure my budget will be ignored during this final budgeting phase which is, according to one person, “a group of universities gathering like coyotes to fight over the scraps of meat on a skeleton”.

In the past year we’ve invested many thousands of dollars in travel and faculty time in this thing. Maybe tens of thousands. And we got it! Sort of. There’s slightly more money, but we have to share it with the UTEP consortium. Grr.

In the academic research world,  external funding is food. And publications are sex¹. Me, I’m getting my first good academic meal… ever (I’ve subsisted on hors d’oeuvres until now). And sex² … well… let’s say I’m like the nerd who can’t figure out why his come-on lines about the differences between Unix and Linux always result in a lonely walk back to his nerdpad.

But the food is pretty great. Now to figure out how to eat it, and if I wanted it in the first place ;)

1. You have to tell interviewers how much sex you’ve had, if you want a job [↩]
2. You realize this is all in the metaphor of publications = sex, and that I would never publicly discuss my own sex life in this level of detail… except to say that it’s frickin’ great [↩]

is nonymus cept foar ears

So I watched the 1982 film “Tempest” last night. A surprisingly good movie. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. Very worthwhile. Great cast, great acting, and very enjoyable writing & directing. Great release from the painful emotional tension built up throughout the movie.

Anyway, there’s a joke I misheard in there, with interesting implications for my psyche. The joke was actually this:

“What’s the definition of Jewish foreplay? Two hours of begging!”

As Alex mentioned, this is not necessarily a very ethnic-specific stereotype, as it seems men the world over might have similar complaints. But my version of the joke was much cooler, as I misheard the last word as “Baking.” :-)

Why yes, my dear, that is the smell of fresh cookies. This sweater must be so uncomfortable. Let’s take it off…

(me¹, smiling from the news²)

I have two words for you. Or two words and a letter. And a number. And a hyphen. And an octothorp. And a Now I’m confused, but I don’t care, because…

x-files movie #2!!!

1. Photo taken by Alex [↩]
2. or from a potbelly sandwich and IBC root beer [↩]

Do you know this bug?

Funny Things:

1. Craigslist - To the Drunk Hottie who Fell off my Motorcycle
2. Very brief story of a girlfriend who is a little… well, just read it. (warning: there’s a swear)

Not Funny Things:

1. Armed Forces Journal (a fairly conservative venue): “…waterboarding is a torture technique that has its history rooted in the Spanish Inquisition…”
2. Former Chief Prosecutor (for Guantánamo and similar trials) explains his resignation “it’s time to take the politics out of military commissions… and make the proceedings open and transparent.”
3. Interesting Newsweek article about how being poor and living far from grocery stores is really bad for your health (something I saw quite a lot of in rural Indiana).

If you do nothing else today (and I really hope that’s not true), you should check out a weird, hilarious form of emergent internet art. Or vandalism. Or something. It’s awesome. Where? Reviews for certain Amazon products, like this Bic ballpoint pen and This gallon of milk.

Excerpts from particularly fun pen reviews:

1 - As far as writing goes, this pen is serviceable… As a weapon, however, it is seriously lacking. When confronted with a sword, the sword was, once again, the clear winner… the Proverb Evaluation Committee will have no other choice than to look elsewhere for its pens.

2 - …But, when that quality carbide ball touched the surface of the paper, it was not ink that came out. From a distance I heard the screams of men and the cackling of innumerable ravens. I stopped, cold and sweating profusely. I looked down at the Bic Crystal black medium ballpoint pen which I held in my hand, only to see darkness. I dashed it against the wall, recoiling in horror. I saw in the corner of my eye my faithful notebook, which now lay on the ground. Once unmarred, I saw now the small mark which I had made with the devil’s own pen. It spread across the page like a plague, and looking at it I gazed upon true horrors. For, what I thought had been ink was in fact a portal to a dark, unforgiving dimension. A portal whose maw was now widening to engulf all hope and joy in the world.

And the milk:

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan
A stately dairy-house decree: [etc. ]

Or:

…He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz…

Â

Hi. This is what I saw when I looked out my window, Saturday morning. But that’s not the point. The point is that I read the sweetest Instructables ever. No, not the one about the lady who made a molded silicon replica of her right breast as a squishy stress reliever toy for her boyfriend. No, this one was much cooler. It’s supposed to be just about harvesting bananas, but I felt seriously touched when I read it. To me, it was a story of a girl and her mother. I’m serious. [how to harvest bananas]

Perhaps the squid-ink spaghetti (yesterdays’ post) broadened my mind a little. I just had a sandwich with leftover turkey, black beans, a bit of mayonnaise, and apricot preserves on some yummy whole wheat bread.

Before any of you judging judgers start to get all judgmental and judge me, let me say it was pretty good.

That is all.

Dead Chevy for Sale in Alamo

ONE: I was at Target today, and on the endcap, where they put the closeouts, there was some spaghetti. It was black. Pitch black. Pretty cool, no? After I got it home and started making dinner, I chanced to look at the ingredients (while I was chatting online with hot babes my hot babe, Alex). Let me reproduce for you the ingredients box on this package of spaghetti:

INGREDIENTS: SEMOLINA, SQUID INK, FERROUS LACTATE (IRON), NIACIN, THIAMIN MONONITRATE, RIBOFLAVIN, FOLIC ACID.

Perhaps you didn’t notice the unexpected ingredient in there. Riboflavin?! <tgsvoice>That’s awesome!</tgsvoice>. No, seriously. It’s amazing how one single ingredient can make the whole list very, very weird. But it tasted fine with some sauce and cheese. I had seconds.

TWO: I have been avoiding booking my flight to see Alex, not because I don’t want to see her, but because I hate the expense and hassle of the entire process. Well, I got into the groove, and on a whim I checked the usually-insanely-restrictive continental.com rewards flight availability, and I found a flight! My travel for Christmas will cost me $10 instead of $500! So I celebrated by buying $75 worth of DVDs on amazon.com.

THREE: I have only committed one of the major sins today (not including Lust, cause I figure I get a bit of a free pass now, when it’s directed at my wife… what!? you knew what I was when you started reading this post). I have compensated for the lack of variety with frequency. Today I think I have committed about 3,000 separate instances of Sloth.

That is all.

Did I already post this photo?

Anyway, yesterday was a good day. Very social. ALH and I went to a Bulldogs game! This is courtesy of Amanda and her Christmas present to us. Then we ate at East Side Mario’s (here in Canada, “Mario” rhymes with “stereo;” however, strangely, ALH informs me that they do not also say Pedro like Peedro; inconsistent). It was a good day.

Before all of that, we went ice skating, for me to try out my new skates (these are also largely courtesy of Amanda; I wonder when she will ask me to kill someone for her….). I like the skates. They’re zippy. They’re also hockey skates. I had to practice the whole “stopping” thing, which I am not good at. Back in the day (age 13 or so), I had a pair of men’s figure skates (Montana). I learned to stop on those by flipping around backwards and standing on the toe picks of both skates. Very effective. This “hockey stop” business, however, is unfamiliar. Must practice.